App O’ The Mornin’: Doodle Jump Review

Grade: D

Price: $1
I was planning to post a quick addition to my Doodle Jump review in order to mention the Halloween update, but then I looked at the index and realized I’d never even reviewed Doodle Jump. My bad.

I probably passed it over because there really isn’t much to say about it. It remains remarkably popular for reasons that continue mystify me. I just don’t get the appeal. It’s a shameless ripoff of PapiJump (another snooze-fest) but adds a little more meat to the bone. And by “more meat on the bone” I mean about as much as you’d find clinging to an extra-crispy chicken leg out in the KFC dumpster.

Instead of just climbing from platform to platform a la PapiJump, you climb from platform to platform and occasionally hit some special items. Some are breakaway platforms, while others boost you higher. There are enemies along the way, and rather than just avoiding them, you can tap the screen to shoot … something. I don’t what. Boogers, maybe.  Doesn’t matter, since I’ve never been able to really hit anything this way, and just typing all this out makes me bored.

The goal is to get as high as possible before you fall to your death. I guess we needed games like PapiJump and Doodle Jump in order to get to interesting games like Bird Strike, but that doesn’t mean I need to keep the sucker on my device.

Oh, and about that Halloween update. It’s an update. With a Halloween theme. Monsters, broken-bone platforms, Frankenstein jumper, etc. Much excitement ensues, if by excitement you mean making the little icons jiggle so you can delete these sucker and get back to playing Axe in the Face.

Note: About that grade … I originally gave Doodle Jump a C because many people find it appealing and it is certainly competently made. Then I realized that Many People aren’t writing this blog: I am. If Many People want to give it a C, or a B, or an A+ with a smiley face sticker and write “Super Job!!!!” in the margin in purple bubblegum-scented ink, they should start their own dang blog. As far as I’m concerned, this game needs about 90% more axes to the face before I’d even consider bumping it up to a C, and even then I’d be grading on the curve.